Addressing Challenging Behaviors

The following is adapted from The New Teacher Handbook by Berit Gordon.

How can I increase cooperation from a student who is often challenging?

Be an ally to students who are less agreeable with these simple moves. Prioritize connection and then expectations.

Here’s where to start:

1. Look for and capitalize on any moment of connection the student offers up. These can be rare glimmers, so if this student initiates any interaction, go with it. This might not sound like “Excuse me, Ms. Gordon, may I ask how your weekend was?” It will sound more like “Bruh,” “Hey,” or “Where’s more paper?” These are invitations to connect. Don’t let them pass by without a warm response.
2. Let things like their tone of voice go. You are not being a pushover; you are wisely picking your battles. Let’s say you ask a student to move seats, and they do, with a big sigh and a coughed comment. Pretend you heard nothing. They are saving face while complying. Put your feelings on the back burner until this student trusts you are on their side.
3. Find a quiet time to talk to them (not in a moment of conflict). Ask them, “What could I do better as your teacher?” This might feel counterintuitive—you need them to do better for you! That will come, but you’re asking this question to create a path for future long-term cooperation.
   1. If they don’t say much, respond to any little tidbit: “Tell me more about that” or “I respect you and whatever you have to say.” Listen to anything they have to say. Even if it sounds crazy, like they ask you to let them watch videos on their phone all day, just listen. Then, ask another question: “What would feel good about that?”
   2. Acknowledge the wish even if you can’t give it to them. “I get why video games are more appealing than math. There are days when I’d rather do that, too! What video game is your favorite?”
   3. Most of the time, students who display uncooperative behavior will reveal something genuine. They might want you to call on them more or less; maybe they felt some perceived but unintentional slight, or they want to sit in a different spot. Meeting any of these requests may earn you a new level of cooperation. Even without meeting the request, simply asking the question will, too.
4. Use this phrase as much as possible with them (but not in moments of conflict or when they’re struggling): “I notice you . . .” Then point out anything neutral or positive you’ve observed about them. These can be little details, like the color they wear often, whom they walk with, that they go home with their little sister, or that they bring apples for a snack. Show them you see them, and not just for their struggles.

How should I address disrespect?

• Pick your battles, keep shutdowns short and sweet, and skip the apologies.
• Work toward a respectful classroom by addressing disrespect, and at the same time, thicken your skin to ignore mild offenses toward you. Save your energy for teaching and the big stuff. 

How do I shut it down?

Students sometimes look for a dopamine rush from a big reaction by us or classmates. Quickly marking, silencing, and moving on doesn’t get them to either. These responses start short and sweet for mild offenses and increase for more severe offenses that deserve time and attention.

• Address the behavior without calling unnecessary attention to it. Wince and say, “Ouch,” or “Yikes.” (Surprisingly effective.)
• Address the comment so the class knows you don’t tolerate it:
  • Say, “You may not have meant it that way, but saying X is hurtful,” or “I don’t find that joke funny. Here’s why.”
  • Say, “I know you can do better, and I’ll pay attention to ensure you do.”
  • Say, “I don’t find that funny,” or “Never again,” with a pointed look. Then move on.
• Pause, look, and don’t say a word. The student will not get the gratification of a big response or argument, and their ugly words will sit there, uncomfortable for them. You move on.
• For inappropriate comments and innuendos, try one of these:
  • “I know what that means.” (Middle school students, for example, often assume adults do not understand double meanings and inappropriate jokes. You can say this even if you don’t know what it means but are confident it has a double meaning.)
  • “I don’t know what that means. Can you explain it to me?” (You probably know what it means—that’s how you caught this innocent comment.)
  • “Why don’t you explain the meaning of what you just said.”
  • “Let’s call your parents [or the administrators], and you can explain the meaning of what you just said.”
• If it deserves more of a response, say, “We’ll talk later. I’m making a note, and I’ll find you at the end of class.” Change the subject and move on.

Later, you can follow up with one of these responses:

• State the expectation: “We show respect for others’ ideas at all times in this class.”
• Address the behavior and its impact: “You interrupted Milleny and said her idea was lame. Others don’t want to share when they’re insulted.”
• Be clear about the desired behavior. “You need to listen to everyone’s ideas with your mouth closed until the other person is completely done speaking. Then, you can respectfully disagree and listen to their response.”

What doesn’t work?

• Lectures: Students tune us out. Lots of our talk also tends to alienate the offender. Address behavior as though it’s a blip in their otherwise good character.
• Apologies: The offender’s apology can feel forced or sarcastic, and the tone is hard to control. The victim may not feel any better, and the rude student may feel absolved simply by saying, “Sorry.” If a student offers to apologize, say, “That’s a start. What else?”

Starting your teaching career can feel like a whirlwind of excitement, anxiety, successes, and pitfalls. The New Teacher Handbook is your trusted companion, designed to guide you every step of the way as you transition from a newcomer to a confident, effective educator.

Inside this comprehensive guide, you'll find:

• Clear, Actionable Goals: Learn the 10 key milestones every new teacher should aim for in their first years—helping you build a strong foundation for long-term success.
• Proven Classroom Strategies: From classroom management to lesson planning, discover research-backed strategies that will engage students, foster positive behavior, and create a collaborative learning environment.
• Time-Saving Tips: Balancing lesson prep, grading, and personal time can be tough. Get practical advice for managing your time and preventing burnout.
• Grade Level Adaptations: Tailor the strategies to your particular age group, from Grades K-12.
• Coach/Admin features: suggestions for mentors and others who play a supporting role in teacher development